A few months back I found myself watching Midsomer Murders.
I'd had a few drinks and thought no more about it. Then, one Monday night, I watched New Tricks, 9pm, BBC1. Before I knew it I was tuning in every Monday. I was hooked. I didn't tell anyone, I wish I had. You read all this stuff about how soft drugs like marijuana lead to amphetamines, cocaine and heroin. I didn't think it could ever happen to me but it has. I'm deeply ashamed. Perhaps by going public I can help prevent others making the same mistake.
Once New Tricks had taken hold there was only one possible outcome and last night I watched Poirot. There, I’ve said it, Poirot. You wouldn't believe the state I'm in. I got up this morning, looked in the mirror and saw a gaunt, unshaven, pathetic addict staring back at me. A loser, a filthy piece of animal excrement. I walked into the lounge and realised I'd gone to bed without even plumping the cushions. I've been a bloody fool. Luckily, I've got good friends who will stick with me, people like international showjumper Korky Von Trapp and my cousin,Flight Lieutenant John Walberswick.
In a strange way, just by reading this, you're helping me too, even though I don't know who you are or what you're wearing.